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About Vantaa

Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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I swear, sometimes I get so mad about the slow traffic on Saaristonkatu (srsly, rush hour here is like a bad sequel) – it's ridiculous, but hey, that’s life, right? And then, other times, I get all warm and fuzzy when I see my massage clients strolling by the old stone bridge over Lämpöjoki. Srsly, even the water there whispers “All is forgiven.”